I suppose that everyone who moves away from home feels like this eventually. Like "what the heck am I doing living 3,000 miles from everyone and everything that I know?" I think it would be easier if there were people to meet in Yakima, and things to do. I'm just feeling more than a little trapped right now, living in the middle of the desert where the nearest city is 2.5 hours away. I know things will get better and Christmas isn't that far, but I want to go home.
I never thought I'd say it, but I miss New Jersey. I miss diners and taylor ham. I miss ordering plain old coffee and having people know exactly what you meant. I miss having random breaks in the middle of the day to eat or nap or work. I miss going to classes. I miss the people back at home, especially my family and the Henderson gals.
I've been struggling with a lack of direction these days. I was so sure this was where I was supposed to be, and that this was what I was supposed to be doing. I even thought that this would be a great time to take the next step in discernment. But the more I try, the darker it gets, and the murkier my future seems.
I'm slipping back into my anti-social mode, which isn't that surprising when there's no one to socialize with. But I'm getting into the ignoring my phone stage of things, which in the past has been bad. I promise I'm trying. I'm being melodramatic and making this sound worse than it really is.
On a happier note, my roommates and I dissected one of the 22 pumpkins donated to us. We had pumpkin soup for dinner and are currently in the process of cooking down and pureeing the remainder. It's taken us the better part of 3 hours and there's still tons to go. It's a good thing we like pumpkins... Right now Kristin is making pumpkin oatmeal cookies. Tomorrow I'm making pumpkin bread. And there's still tons of pumpkin to go in the freezer. Also, 21 more pumpkins lining our hallway...
If you know any recipes...
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4 comments:
I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel. While I may not be 3000 miles from home (a meager 617.19 miles), I often find myself saying "what the h___ am I doing here. I must be kidding myself."
It seems to me that one can only go so long before the homesickness starts to smother oneself. I think I reached that point in the last few weeks. For me though, it's kind of the opposite. Although I'm far away from everyone and everything I know, I'm constantly surrounded by other people, being that I live in a house of thirteen. I think I'm becoming a little anti-social just to get a break sometimes.
Some of the top things I miss are probably: the shore - even if I'm not down the shore, just knowing it's there; Wawa, just down the street from my house - truly a gift from heaven; having around 25 pizza places within 4 or 5 miles of my house; napping - we're in agreement there; and of course, my family and friends.
I know what it feels to be disconnected. Everyone here talks about the bubble in which we live. Just know that there is a wider world out there, one that cares for you deeply, one that realizes the great strength you have to take on such enormous changes in your life. I know that so many people are praying for you, believing in you, and hoping with you for what you desire in your life at this moment - both spiritually and vocationally. Trust in Him who loves you beyond all telling. Oh, and also try to work on the ignoring your phone thing :-)
I miss you terribly. Look to the 21st. God bless!
In peace,
Nicholas
..pumpkin cheesecake or pumpkin flan.
Send a hello or something my way sometime, will ya?
pumpkin dip, to be eaten with gingersnaps or nilla wafers. or fingers.
some pumpkin, cool whip, & pumpkin pie spice, I'll look up the official version.
must be the season...I feel very lost & I'm still here! But hang in there...and brace yourself for the tsunami of stories/hugs/questions/morestories/dances/jumpshakeyourbootyrequests and all that will fall upon you when my girls see you in just a very few weeks!!! : )
and prepare to be appalled by how tall Andrew is getting, he is outgrowing the school pants I bought him in late August, yikes. We still have a couple of inches, but it's almost truly a couple now...EEKS!
And via your guestbook, hi to Nick, too, you are much in our thoughts.
peace,
Kristin
Crustless pumpkin pie is very good, as well. (Essentially do what you would with pie, but put it into bakeware instead of a crust.)
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