Warning: spontaneous creativity ahead...
She looked like a fashion plate, standing outside on the sidewalk the day we met. I think it was the shoes that I noticed first, because they made absolutely no sense for a Washington winter. I was bundled in as many layers as I could manage, from sweaters and scarves, to boots and a hand-knit, slightly lopsided wool hat. Her shoes were tall and pointy and lime green, a startling contrast to the cold and the grey of the morning. They were definitely not the type of shoes one could wear with socks.
I debated going over to her, asking who she was and what had brought her to our little corner of the world, but I stood frozen to the sidewalk, literally and figuratively. She checked the scrap of paper in her hand, scanned the street, presumably for street numbers, then turned and walked purposefully down the opposite side of the street, past the library.
It was a split second choice, but I suddenly knew that it was incredibly important for me to go to the library at that very moment, and with all possible speed. Ironically, this decision made it necessary for me to follow the same path as the mystery girl. Before I knew it, we both stood at the library door, which I gallantly opened for her. "After you, miss."
Not really sure where this is going...just a picture in my mind.
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4 comments:
i love spontaneous creativity :)
that's happened to me a couple times...
although I don't wear slightly lop-sided wool hats but still pretty much the same...
I like this writing style, not too detailed but just enough to get the reader to focus on what the character is focusing on.
One thing that you might think about is how you use the words about the non-physical stuff.
for example: "but I stood frozen on the sidewalk, literally and figuratively". I feel like if you just kept it "but I stood frozen on the sidewalk" would sort of allow the reader to say to themselves 'oh she means figuratively and literally!' rather than you giving it to them.
And "which I gallantly opened for her". Since you have been sort of focusing on just the physical details of what is being seen by the character, it seems kind of inconsistent when writing almost all physical details and then putting in stuff like that.
not like I know anything about being a critic those just kinda came to mind.
I really like this and I really like your writing style! I say you should post more stuff on here so I can read it 8-)
This is an interesting start to something. (although personally I wouldn't consider lime green boots fashion plate-esque. . .just kidding :) )
I would like to see what this leads to, if you are planning on taking it further. Also, I would personally keep the mention of the shoes together. cutting to the description of what the other character is wearing kind of diminishes the interest in her lime green shoes. It also makes it seem a little choppy to me.
but I like it a lot. I would definitely keep going with it if I were you
I think lime green shoes would probably seem fashionable in Yakima...or maybe just really out there. People aren't exactly stylish here :)
but I see what you mean. I'm really not certain what I want to do with this one, it just is a picture I thought of when wearing green shoes the other day. You would be proud of the shoes, I think, although they are flat, not heeled.
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